Welcome to Abthite, the traditional village on the edge of the Squoire's vast property.
In case it hasn't been posted in abth recently, or you have come here before finding the newsgroup, here is the Welcome Poem, plus its caveat.
You've found ay bee tee aitch; we say Well Come!
Pull up a Barstool, make yourself at Home.
We've penned some Lines to tell you who we are
And how we carry on, here at the Bar.
We have our Little Ways, as you will find:
Here are some Pointers you might bear in mind.
That there are Perils, we admit is true,
There are some things it's better not to do:
Piranha in the Village Ford abound,
The Cricket Square and Wicket's holy ground;
Our Village Villain makes defaulters pay
For failing to see everything his way;
Binary Posts will rouse the Dragons' Ire,
HTML Posts be consigned to Fire
- or even to the kill-file. Top-posts too
May have Results the Hardiest may rue.
Don't get offended; everything's in fun
Except when Bines commits a Fishy Pun.
Tom Holt's our Squoire, as is only fit
He has a Whim of Iron, and Pretty Wit;
His lightest word's our Law - we have Some sense! -
Look what might happen if he took Offence:
The Buxom Barmaid's Earwigs give a Clue
Of what an Author's Levity can do.
The Denizens need cause you no alarm:
Only a Few would do you any harm.
Beetle and Woodlouse, Gargoyle, Bat and Squid
Are all Benign, though some have Flipped their Lid,
(When we say Some we mean th'Entire Crew,
And if you stick around, perhaps You Too....)
In Abthite Village we are Simple Folk
Who like a Drink, a Story and a Joke,
But don't do Serious or Heavy Stuff
And change the Subject when we've had enough.
We'll cut you dead if you become a Bore
And carry on when we have said "No More."
These Simple Rules to see us through our Day
Are all we need, and all we need to say.
Post lightly and with Humour; keep it Brief;
Don't rail at us, and we won't give you grief.
One final Word and then this Rhyme is done:
There Are No Tunnels In The Village. None.
To which the Squoire has added
One small quibble, though; no reference to the one abiding rule of the Group.
Suggested amendment, with apologies to Dr Donne;
Post of catching falling stars,
Safer sex with mandrake roots;
Tell us where the lost years are,
Or who cleft the devil's foot.
MP3's of mermaids singing
Aren't OT, so keep 'em swinging.
The bees,
The trees -
The charter covers all of these.
But you risk ill-favoured looks,
Anger, outlawry and shame,
If you post about the books
Whence this newsgroup draws its name.
Any post, though well-intentioned,
Where the works of Holt are mentioned
Is banned,
And canned
At once. We hope you'll understand.
It has been suggested that these poems raise more questions than they answer. For the absurdly enthusiastic and those with Inquiring Minds, some more information about Abthite has been made available, none of which need be taken as reflecting the views of all or even a majority of the Villagers. Return to the front page and have a look elsewhere in the Village of Abthite...
Abthite.org is hosted by the Sinister Firedrake Conspiracy.